Claimed by Evangeline Anderson

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One of my well documented weaknesses when it comes to books, especially free kindle e-books, are stories that involve aliens and romance. I’m a sucker, and I am not saying that the blame lies with Mass Effect, but I am also not saying the blame doesn’t lie with Mass Effect (straight up it’s Mass Effect’s fault, who am I kidding here).

Unfortunately, the free kindle e-books and I have failed to align, because the authors who decide to tackle the subject of an interstellar romance (and offer their books for free), don’t seem to understand the whole point of aliens.

I tackled this subject in my blog post about Close Liaisons, but I’ll say it again here: what is the point of having aliens in your book if they look human? I’m not even addressing the whole unlikelihood of this from an evolutionary standpoint, really I just want to what he motivation is to sit down and design your alien with absolutely no distinguishing features except maybe an unusual eye color and, consistently, above average height.

Why bother with science fiction at that point?

Did I have hope going into Claimed? Hope is always there. Someday…someday I will be pleasantly surprised and rewarded with the sci-fi romance of my dreams…or Mass Effect Andromeda will come out (I see you 2017…I see you…).

Anyway, like in Close Liaisons there’s sort of a paper-thin excuse as to why the aliens look like humans. Their race is 95% male (of course. Why is this a trope? Why is this a thing? Someone sit down and explain to me why the only reasons aliens would go around exploring the galaxy and looking for other aliens to hook up with and explore the galaxy together is because their race is at the brink of extinction and they need some fresh human wombs to procreate. Is this hot? I’m so perplexed.) so over time they’ve traveled the universe setting up genetic trade.

I really like the phrase genetic trade because it sort of minimizes the fact that the aliens are actually going around and abducting women on different planets to knock up as if that’s a commodity that can be paid for with advanced medical technology. BUT OKAY.

So yeah, they sort of look like humans because they’ve genetically traded with other aliens that…sort of look like humans…and…everyone sort of looks like…humans? Never mind. This actually doesn’t make any sense at all.

The genetic trade thing comes up because there’s three kinds of “Kindred” based on the three different genetic trades they’ve made in the past. Don’t get excited yet though, because three different kinds of alien just means three different kinds of alien that still manage to be boring as hell in their design (colorful eyes included).

claimed 1 whole

gosh i love aliens

So what are the three types of Kindred, you ask? Well I’m glad you brought it up because gosh, it would be a wonderful opportunity to break out your alien designing imagination if your aliens change appearance based on genetic trade sort of like the Xenomorphs from Alien but with less murder! So let’s break down the absolutely extraordinary designs here.

They are, seriously:

-Rager/Beasts (if you thought this meant that they would have features that aren’t human, you guessed wrong!)

-Twins (they come…in pairs…so they…I don’t know fuck this I don’t understand)

-Tranq (get this…they have fangs…that they bite their lady with…)

aliendesign1 whole

“ALIENS”

I can’t believe this happened to me again. Update: I’m still sitting at 17% completion on Close Liaisons because of being side-swiped with the space vampire bullshit. And here we are again, romance genre. Here we are again…

It may be some sort of compliment to Anderson that I actually finished this book compared to Liasons. My continued ability to read, however, came straight down to the hilarity of the situation here.

Let me outline some moments in Claimed that had me gazing off into the stars wishing I was being flung somewhere by the gravitational slingshot of Jupiter. Or, as I like to call it, “Things in Claimed that are presented as logical but actually make no fucking sense”

-The Twin Kindred always share a woman, and the main character asserts that, having a twin herself, that doesn’t sound too intimidating.

I’m not here to shame you for whatever sexual fantasies or lifestyle you’re into. Doesn’t harm me any. But, for the life of me, I have no concept of the logic of how this thought is presented in the book. The idea that having a twin would make sexual threesomes less ‘strange’ is presented as self-explanatory logic, in passing, without further description.

Hitting the relevant line was like taking a step when you’re climbing the stairs and you think there’s one more stair there, but there isn’t, so you’re sent stumbling after groping for the next point with an unbalanced foot.

How does having a twin have anything to do with threesomes? I still can’t even think of a connection, even highly contrived. I’m stumped, stupefied even. Is the author implying that twins have sexual interest in threesomes…with their twin? Is that not…incest? Or uncomfortably close to incest? Why would anyone want to be near their sibling during any sexual experience?

I mean, I don’t have a twin myself so I’m just making assumptions here. Clearly some people are into it if the author decided to base an entire construction of her aliens that threesomes with siblings are-

I had to stop typing that sentence because I can’t think about this anymore. It’s not something I want to know.

-this quote about the alien being, how shall I say it? ‘swol’: “you’re in such good shape on Earth you’d be gay because there’s no way a straight guy could look like you.”

What? When did attention to physical appearance, especially dependent on big muscles, become a ‘gay’ trait? Hitting the gym and lifting weights is one of the most “bro hypermasculine” activities of our culture. You know who always wants to talk to you about their protein intake and reps? Straight men. Straight men in fraternities. (This is a generalization based on personal experience. I feel 100% okay putting this down in type and I will stand by it. This has little to nothing to do with my resentment of all the dude bros in the gym when I was working out in college who would stand around in groups taking turns lifting weights and grunting about it and high-fiving each other when I just wanted peace. Also you know what I couldn’t give less of a thought about? Your protein intake and fitness routine. Bro.)

So why would the author imply that being ripped is something that gay men aspire to, and more than that, no straight man would aspire to?

-everyone is sharing food from their different planets NBD

Not every book has to be hard sci-fi, constrained in the strictest sense to the laws of physics as we know them and all of the limitations that result. Do I accept faster than light travel that’s not really explained beyond a name that has a word like “hyper” followed by a word like “drive”? Sure!

There is a line though, of utter carelessness in world-building sometimes in books like this. It’s almost  a lack of paying attention to historical accuracy. What would be distracting in a Regency Era novel would be a woman wearing pants. It’s jarring. This is the same feeling I often have with the conceit that human women would be able to bring to term an alien baby when sometimes women have troubling bringing to term human babies because of immunological issues. But whatever! That’s fine!

This radar though, of things being taken a conceit too far, happened when everyone on the spaceship in this book went around eating food from alien planets like this wouldn’t potentially be a problem.

It’s haphazard world-building, like the author wanted to include some details about the alien planet and culture, but didn’t think it completely through or not. The Kindred come originally (? Don’t quote me on this) from a jungle planet and this is used to explain why they use living animals for stuff like furniture. There’s an animal ‘blanket,’ for example.

When you introduce ideas like this, that the Kindred have formed a symbiotic relationship with a blanket animal, there’s some kind of follow through required. Throwing out a statement like “oh yeah, haha, the blanket is actually a living creature but it’s cool, he likes being sat on!” is more distracting than intriguing.

What do you mean, he likes being sat on? How is that logical? Why would any living creature enjoy that? Does he feed on your shed skin cells? Did you domesticate these creatures or did you just kidnap them from their (families?) to use as a personal effect? How does an animal evolve to look like a fucking blanket? How does it survive in the wild? WhAT DOES IT EAT?

I’m so distracted by your stupid blanket animal that I can’t even focus on the rest of the story. There’s also a garbage disposal animal that sits under the sink and eats…what goes in the sink?

WHAT?

Does it mind being trapped in a cupboard like space without light? What does it eat if you go on vacation? Does it sleep? Does it defecate? Can it too digest Earth proteins no problemo?

It just isn’t competent world-building. There’s too much that implausible or illogical, especially based on what we understand as an “animal” and how it functions. My brain is screaming at me that it’s inhumane to treat a living creature like that. But, like a lot of other details, the concept is just passed over with sort of a blase hand wave so that the plot can revolve around what is really important—alien dong.

I’ve got to end this post here because it’s already too long.

I give Claimed “you couldn’t even give your aliens a different skin color?” out of “how good is your alien design.”

 

A/N: if you’re wondering why i haven’t followed my posting schedule for this blog, let me tell u about the bad decision i made downloading Stardew Valley from Steam and how i lost 50 hrs of my life to it. lmao bye

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What The Fuck Wednesday – 02/10/16

Have you ever reached a point in a book where the author clearly just said “fuck it” and called it a day? We’ve dedicated Wednesday to capturing these moments when you have to ask yourself, “What the fuck?”

Maggie:

After five years of being lost in the Amazon, archaeologist Chaz Vincent has finally come home to his wife, Kelly, only to learn that she has had him declared dead. When he attends his own funeral, Chaz finds out that Kelly married another man just that morning. Now she has to choose between them. Who will be her favorite husband?

— My Favorite Husband, Pam McCutcheon

Excuse me. But. What is this? You’re going to get married on the day of your husband‘s funeral? Are you a goddamn sociopath? Who is the man who’s okay marrying you before you’ve even buried your first husband?  Where is your family? Your father, mother, siblings, and friends were all told to attend a wedding in the morning and a funeral in the afternoon and they said nothing? Also, there’s some weird overlap in time frames here. When did you have him legally declared dead because you had the wedding before the funeral? Did you declare your first husband dead while he was stranded in the Amazon rainforest so you could bone another dude? Why was your new husband okay banging a grieving married woman? Is he a goddamn sociopath? I have so many questions. Stay tuned for the answers as I delve neck-deep into this shitpit next week.

The traffic on the stairs lightened as they reached the IT floors. Here were the most sparsely populated levels of the silo, where less than two dozen men and women – but mostly men – operated within their own little kingdom.

“Well, sure enough, I wound the coils on ten pumps that week. The whole time, I’m waiting for her to break. Hoping for it. My fingers were sore. No way should could move them all.” Marck shook his head. “No way. But I kept winding them, she kept hauling them off, and a while later she’d bring another. Got all ten of them done in six days.”
“So she got someone to help her,” Marnes said. “Somebody probably just felt sorry for her.”

“Smart girl,” Jahns said, smiling.
“Too smart,” Marck said.

Wool, Hugh Howey

Do you want know the publication date of Wool? 20-fucking-12. Why add all these interjections, especially the first one? Are we still insisting that women can’t be intelligent or mechanically-inclined? Oh, the IT department? Mostly men, of course! A girl is set an impossible task and she accomplishes it? Must have gotten help from the menfolk, the poor waif! A girl uses some ingenuity? She’s too smart – what’s she doing with all them brain learnings! Can you just fucking not? It’s too early and I’m too grumpy.
VonG
I’ve been talking about Leaves of Grass a lot because it’s been two months and I feel like I should have finished this book a long time ago. It’s so long. So, so long. Maggie came up with a theory that the book is a literary asymptote and that I was never going to finish it. I didn’t believe her.
This week my Kindle told me I only had 30 minutes left in Leaves of Grass. I totally was going to finish it. Then I read it for another HOUR and it says 6 minutes remaining.
What if Maggie is right. What if I never finish it.
On the other hand, I now no longer remember who I was before Leaves of Grass because my memory spans only about two months. So if I finish it, who will I be?
Both possibilities are terrifying.
For this WTF Wednesday I present something I learned about the language Breton from the book Lingo. This is less WTF in the sense of horrifying and more WTF in the good way, which is where you lose all sense of how life can possibly be the way it is. Languages are weird and while French’s strange counting ways are pretty well known, Breton wins this category handily.
“If you really want to torment a Breton, ask them to calculate 78+59.”
In a decision of logic that I totally follow, if you had to do this in Breton you would be calculating the following equation:
(3*6+3*20)+(9+1/2*100)
Breton has no word for 18! INCREDIBLE! And people think doing Math in English can be ineffective.
Since I’m already talking about Lingo, I’ll throw out my favorite word from the book.
vrtíčkar– strictly speaking no more than a hobby gardener, but the word also suggests that the person is more interested in drinking beer with other vrtíčkars than in growing vegetables and flowers. (Slovene)

Game Changer– Rene Folsom

79I know this is about a book I read in 2015 and at this point the rage should have left me and I should have moved on with my life. Listen, I know. The problem is that the rage hasn’t left me. So in an effort to purge my anger, I’m going to tell you a little bit about why Game Changer by Rene Folsom is garbage (and not good garbage like, haha check out this book, it’s GARBAGE).

As always, when I picked up this free e-book about a pair of nerds falling in love, my guard was up. I don’t have a good track record when it comes to books targeting the video-game playing, sci-fi loving, geek population (also look at the cover lolol). I’ve found pretty much all of the time these books tend to be degrading and condescending to their audience, which is one of the baffling choices I’ve never been able to puzzle out the motivation for. Why are you insulting your audience? How will that help you be financially successful?

Game Changer dives straight into this problem with the kind of acrobatic elegance that would earn a 9.78 from the Olympic judges. Where do I even start?

It was 2015, I was under the impression that maybe we had escaped the hell of the trope “you’re not like other girls.” Then Game Changer came along, and with a wink, subjected me to not only “you’re not like other girls” but “you’re not like other nerds.”

The man: he’s “not like other nerds” because, gasp, he’s not only attractive but he’s confident! Wow! Did you know all nerds suffer from crippling anxiety and lack of self-confidence? Turns out all you need to do to be a “nerd” and still hot is to wear referential t-shirts and smirk a lot (bed-head inspired hair also helps). I kept seeing in my head Cliff Bleszinski (of Gears of War fame) smirking in front of his Lamborghini whenever I read lines about this witty, one-liner throwing CEO of some vague game company that’s designing some vague popular game.

In fact, I mentally replaced whatever macho nerd that was in this story with Cliffy B because he had no defining characteristics and at least there was some humor in imaging this fictional character was based on Cliff Bleszinski. I had to amuse myself somehow.

Also it was fairly apparent that the author had no idea how game design actually works because Cliffy was barely ever in the office, spending most of his time chasing after this girl and drinking coffee and running his hands through his hair while strutting around town. How can you be a successful CEO with this behavior, I ask you? When the crunch is real during game development, you wouldn’t have time to haunt a coffee shop hoping the stranger you have a crush on will show up.

And the woman he has a crush on, by the way, is allegedly an author (?) or something and HER job description seems to be: show up at coffee shop, flirt with cocky annoying man, slam keys on laptop, ignore writing in order to flirt with cocky annoying man. No one does any work.

The real moment of unsquashable rage happened when Cliffy B and his lady date were out eating somewhere because we already know they don’t do any actual work for a living and, of all things, lady date orders a hamburger.

Then it happened. “You’re not like other girls!” I’m sorry…what???

girls who eat smol

tell me the secret

Not only that, she’s not like other girls because she plays video games! Haha, not like the demographic of gaming has rapidly been shifting towards a larger and larger female population over time! It’s 2015! Women play video games in large numbers! It isn’t that wacky!  You know what kind of women play video games? All types of women.

Video game culture has left the sphere of being that weird thing only enthusiasts do. It’s become so incredibly accessible that everyone and their grandmother plays video games. Playing video games actually may be the shallowest “nerd” tier you can hit because I have known a lot of people who are not “geeks” who play a lot of video games. I’m saying it here. Video gaming is casual nerd level (unless you’re playing Dwarf Fortress or Eve or something because wow).

My point is, in general, playing video games just isn’t that weird anymore. So this whole, “wow I can’t believe I found a woman who eats hamburgers and plays video games, this is more unlikely that being struck by lightning while holding a four leaf clover” thing is a migraine of stupid.

Actually, it would be more like, “this is more unlikely than finding a book targeting geeks that actually treats its audience in a respectful way without having to separate the characters away from the very subculture they’re supposed to represent so that the audience can understand just how conventionally attractive they are.”

Game Changer gets one soggy hamburger out of “how great is this date food.”

 

There Are No Men – Carol Maloney Scott

57 copy

There Are No Men is a chick flick book that was one of the first of the free e-books I downloaded for my Kindle. It’s kind of bad in a not horribly inoffensive way but the writing is cringe worthy at times and parts that are supposed to be funny are so stiff that even though I found the situation funny, I couldn’t be amused by it in the book.

Also there’s a part with a WAY younger guy and the main character that I didn’t find funny but creepy and a little uncomfortable?

There’s also a bit of irony in that the main character feels uncomfortable about the company she works for publishing erotic fiction when this is a romance novel that is trying to appeal to the same audience (there has to be some overlap there). I never can understand when a book I’m reading speaks derogatory to the audience it is selling to, though usually it’s “geek” lit and not romance literature but there you have it.

ANYWAY I wanted to make this post not because this book was bad enough to really rant about or good enough to really praise, but because there’s a scene in it where the main character’s dachshund is jumping up and down beside her bed for attention because it’s too short to make the jump onto the bed. Basically the scene is so heart warming and fuzziness inducing that I wanted to find my dog and squeeze the breath out of her.

I think about this scene a lot.

tanm fin

dogs are too good for this world, too pure

I wanted to bring attention to this scene because I need more of this in my life. This is the quality dog content that we readers deserve. Add dogs to books 2k16 (but let them live jfc).

So I give this book a nice wet nose on the dog inclusivity scale.

But don’t spend money on it.

Banished Love– Ramona Flightner

70

Banished Love is a historical romance that I was expecting to be another one of those historical romances where, despite every imposition of society, everyone bangs everyone anyway, reputation be damned! I was actually pleasantly surprised by this book, for reasons I will get into later.

The story revolves around Clarissa Sullivan (wow look at me, I actually remembered a character’s full name for once), a young woman in 1900 Boston, who lives to frustrate her horrible, society conforming step-mother with the aid of her two brothers, and to attend suffragette meetings.

The book does start with a popular trope—clumsy girl! Haha, girls are so silly, running into things, tripping all the time, isn’t it cute hahahah?

I do have to ask, why are the heroes never clumsy? Where are the clumsy men? All of the love interests in romance novels are portrayed as men who are in control at all times. They exude confidence. They never make mistakes. Their clothes are always flawless and they have great business sense. But the heroines can barely walk. Women, am I right?

So the first few pages were not very endearing because of the clumsy trope, but I do have to give credit for Banished Love’s love-interest, Gabriel, who is kind of an awkward guy. I mean really, his clothes don’t fit, he doesn’t communicate well, and while he’s a hard-worker, he’s not rich. Despite his talent in wood-working, the guy doesn’t even brag about his ability. He was such a foil to the typical “alpha male” douchebag that are everywhere in romance novels that I couldn’t help but like him.

I liked almost everyone in this book , character-wise. Clarissa’s family are utterly likable and actually feel like they are characters of their own, rather than the flat cut-outs that most side characters in romances tend to be.

Unfortunately, Clarissa’s character does fall into that trap of characters that feel too good to be true. Look, the girl works as an educator of poor immigrant children because she wants to, not because she has to, is completely understanding to all of her friends, and basically DOES NO WRONG.

What a saint. It drives me up the wall about these characters who, like me, are in their twenties but are cool, calm, collected. Listen, I’m 22 and sometimes I don’t want to brush my teeth at night and my idea of cooking is throwing a potato in the oven and poking at it as if that will tell me if it is finished cooking. All these women have jobs, volunteer, cook, navigate life with competence, and don’t roll up in blankets and shove themselves into the corner of a room because they’ve lost control of their lives.

Obviously I am not material for the main character of a romance novel.

Obviously I am not material for the main character of a romance novel.

How am I supposed to relate to a character like that? Who are these people. Where is the main character who mostly has a relationship with a fresh-out-of-the-oven loaf of garlic bread? (Hint, it’s Bridget Jones. She is all of us)

I don’t think the character has a single failing? The worst thing that happened with her is that she got left at the altar. Which just makes her the victim anyway. I guess we’re supposed to wish she spoke up more often but she already is far braver than the average women in the book, so wanting her to speak up more is unrealistic.

The other character I have a problem with is Clarissa’s step-mother. I don’t like or understand characters that are out to ruin others’ happiness with no discernible motive other than that they hate fun. Mrs. Smythe is a horrible, petty woman and there is absolutely no reason given for it. She’s so horrible you wonder why Clarissa’s father, who is always portrayed as loving and understanding, would even consider marrying the woman when she obviously hates his children so much.

It makes zero sense that Mrs. Smythe is so petty when she married down in social status to Clarissa’s father? Why would she even marry him?

Having a character just be awful to create conflict in a story isn’t too compelling to me. I wish there had been a better portrayal of why Mrs. Smythe was so gross all of the time. Because she came off as a complete caricature of the evil step-mother.

Anyway, despite these small complaints I really liked Banished Love. It was very SWEET, not vulgar at all. So if you’re after the hanky-panky, you won’t find it here. But the story is sugar sweet in that way that you don’t want to admit you like, but you totally like.

It’d make a great movie, with all those period clothes and the upper-class daughter falling into the world of women’s rights and a dusty wood-worker with a heart of gold. Wow this book is kind of disgusting. I love it.

               I give it a 6’ 4’’ on the scale of “how tall can the love-interest in a book be, before it gets weird” scale.

More Aliens

My feelings on Ice Planet Barbarians  by Ruby Dixon are summarized below:

you're a shitty friend Georgie

you’re a shitty friend Georgie

Wait, actually I had another thought about this book:

I said this in my last post, but I feel like there’s lots of reasons not to just jump the bones of the first alien you meet. It would be totally tempting, don’t get me wrong, I see you. But there’s also way, WAY too many ways in which it could go horribly wrong.

reason #167 why it's probably a bad idea to have sex with an alien life form

reason #167 why it’s probably a bad idea to have sex with an alien life form

And it’s totally likely that even if you could have sex, the human body would be capable of becoming pregnant with an alien baby. I took human anatomy. I know that pregnancy isn’t a complicated process at all. I mean, it’s not like that sometimes the human body rejects human fetuses because of clashes between the immune systems.

(hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)

Whatever, it’s for the sake of the story. What am I expecting anyway, out of a smutty sci-fi novel? Surely not realistic science.

I don’t know what else to say about this book. Maybe I’m still recovering. In a couple of days I’ll go through this book and make a list of words that were in it that I hope I never have to read again.

I give it a BEAR GRYLLS on the SURVIVOR SKILLS scale.

(It got docked points because I am somewhat phobic of pregnancy so whenever the main character in a book gets pregnant I want to scream and throw up simultaneously. Do some people like this as a plot point? DO SOME PEOPLE ENJOY THAT?)

Close Liaisons

I was really excited to read Anna Zaires’ Close Liaisons, because it is a free Kindle book that involves an alien romance.

There’s a lot of things to like in alien romances—tropes like not understanding each other’s language (a classic), finding each other weirdly attractive despite the fact that the likelihood that an alien would find a human attractive is like a human finding a hermit crab attractive, and, most importantly, I’m always a slut for space. Okay, yes, and I want to know what kind of weird dong the author is going to outfit the alien with, that JUST SO HAPPENS to be compatible with female anatomy.

Don’t worry about allergic reactions either.

No really, everything is going to be fine.

God I love aliens.

So, when I got Close Liaisons, I was completely hyped! Alien romance is not a genre that seems to be particularly popular yet (I wonder why, considering that even zombies are getting their own love stories these days).

TOO BAD THIS BOOK IS A COMPLETE LET DOWN.

Let me highlight exactly why this stupid book is so incredibly stupid.

  1. The ALIENS look like HUMANS

You’re writing a book about ALIENS. Who the fuck sits down and thinks, well, these guys are going to drop out of a spaceship, so they should probably just look like a traditionally attractive human being. That’ll surprise them ahahaha!

I will say that at least Zaires has an explanation for the similar appearance of humans and her alien species. Apparently humans evolved because the aliens, millions of years ago, shot their DNA into space to seed planets. Because that’s how evolution works.

It’s fine though, because the aliens have been watching over us a long time and they made sure that we evolved to look like them! That’s not weird at all! But okay!

Alien design? Nailed it

Alien design? Nailed it

  1. The ALIENS used to subsist on BLOOD. They don’t need to anymore, but guess what they still enjoy doing? Sucking on human blood.

I’m sorry, I thought I signed up to read a science-fiction book about ALIENS. And somehow, I ended up reading another terrible paranormal romance featuring perhaps the most overused paranormal creatures—Vampires!

I can't even fault that reasoning

I can’t even fault that reasoning

How did this happen??? I was bamboozled. I was completely fooled. And I was left wondering, why, if you’re going to write a book about vampires, try to make it about ALIENS? Commit to your vampire story, because passing it off as science-fiction is exactly what nobody wants.

Actually, that’s my whole list because I once that little plot detail dropped, I dropped the book. I feel so cheated.

We’ll see if I finish this book, but probably not.

—-

Okay I was going to go, but I had a few more things to say. Zaires starts the book off almost promisingly when it comes to character development. I kind of liked the curly haired protagonist (not enough to remember her name, but there you go), for about three paragraphs. That’s when our alien love interest is introduced and the story goes full of the rails immediately with him stalking her and abducting her to take to his apartment right away (that’s a slight exaggeration, but basically).

Which is great, because now I have about enough characterization of the main character to know that she’s in college and studies (I guess) which is totally enough for me to care about her.

One of the great mysteries of life, to me, is how immediately everyone is attracted to everyone in romances. I mean, hello, she barely knows him and he’s an ALIEN. He could suck the bone marrow out of puppies. You don’t know! And she goes to his apartment, no problem!

Okay, kind of problem, but we all know that heroines in romance novels don’t mind being bossed around by someone they feel sexually attracted to. All their willpower goes straight out the window at first brushing touch.

I’m just of the position that I would NOT get into a limo with a known alien to be taken to his private residence because one time our hands touched.

That could be the beginning of a horror movie.

I’m just saying.

I’m holding off on an official review rating until I finish the book, but for right now Close Liaisons gets one GLOWY EYE out of COULD YOU LOOK LESS HUMAN